I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
