we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize