Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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