And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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