She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
