the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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