I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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