I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
