I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
