Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
