The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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