I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
