I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
