you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
