fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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