Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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