You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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