you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize