Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she smelled like a LAN party
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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