actually, I'm a sock model
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
