When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
