not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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