Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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