I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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