And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You made out with two different species that night
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
