do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
