i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
