so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
