singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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