SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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