You're my little dorito
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
