Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
