I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
