Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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