Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just high enough for therapy.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize