i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Randomize
