We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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