i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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