he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
