is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My life is pants optional.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
