I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
