i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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