I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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