when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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