remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
