You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize