This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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