Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
