Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
