Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
