his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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