I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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