i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My vagina just recognized that song.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
