i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
