Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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