My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
