Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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