how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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