even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
