Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so let's talk penis.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
