vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
