i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize