so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize