I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
