He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
