And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
