I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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