bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
