I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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