I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
