Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
