A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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