I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
