when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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