Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
