just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
