i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
