Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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