woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
