I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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