I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
