I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
