Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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