But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
