i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
