If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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