Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
