OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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