I heard we made out
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
