Jerry, you need to find god
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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