Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
