She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
