You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
