wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Randomize
