she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you didnt know i had herpes?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize