Kiss
Puke
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize