Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
