why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
time to smoke my breakfast
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
