so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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