If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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