this beer tastes like vomit already
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
