He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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