I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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