ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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