HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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