Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
