I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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