Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
