Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
