no, he came in my armpit
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
