She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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