do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
