Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
