I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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