She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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