look no pants
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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