He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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