david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
