I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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