I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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