Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
