I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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